Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
