I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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