Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She needs sedatives and a leash
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
