We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
