Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
