Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
