I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
