a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
