there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
