she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
