so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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