You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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