Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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