You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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