We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
