i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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