I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
