i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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