Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
