Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
