i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
