I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
