I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
