I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
