how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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