Do you still have your period?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
