My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
