so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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