If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
