dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
