If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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