think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
