ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
