birth control should be required to get into college
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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