something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
