waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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