nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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