I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
