ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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