dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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