I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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