WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
