I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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