I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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