I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
