You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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