I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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