Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
