Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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