So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
